Tapping in to Inspiration
Today, I sat down to write a post about where I have been and where I am going. I had intended to write about the past three years, which have been extraordinary, but my fingers took a different direction.
A few years ago, the leader of a workshop I was attending instructed us to open our notebooks to a new page and write for ten minutes about where we imagined ourselves to be in five years. Add as much detail as you can, she said — where you are, who you’re with, and what’s on your résumé.
At that stage of my life, I was an intense planner. I had a job in banking and lived by the clock — calls, reports, quotas. I grabbed my pen and went to work.
My pen somehow attached itself to my inner self, and what ended up on that page had nothing to do with meeting goals or earning another certificate.
The reason I signed up for that series of workshops was to be more productive, more successful happier in my job. After all, I was a rising star at my bank, a top performer who consistently met her goals and worked on an MBA in her spare time.
It turned out to be a quest to change my life and finally listen to my inner voice rather than the well-meaning advice that had brought me to that point. And my problem was that I didn’t know who I was, either.
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” — Carl Jung
What didn’t show up on any monthly report were the nightmares that came regularly, or the jaw pain from grinding my teeth. Success on paper didn’t quiet the mind at 2 a.m.
Two years before, in the first year of my MBA program, I took the Kirton Adaption–Innovation Inventory (KAI). My score on innovation was so high that my professor pulled me aside and told me I was a terrible fit for corporate life — that I should consider a career change.
But walking away wasn’t an option. Not yet. For a girl with working-class Appalachian roots, I was making all the right moves. I was becoming someone the people in the big white house would accept as one of them.
So here I was in this workshop, where I had written down my imagined life on paper — a vision that had nothing to do with completing the Certified Financial Advisor program my bank had planned for me. Instead, it was about finding a creative pursuit, something that would feed my soul instead of impressing people I didn’t really like in the first place.
The workshop leader called time, and we put down our pens. What followed was a discussion about planning, imagining our future, and our attachment to outcomes. And then, much to my crushing disappointment, we were asked to pick up our pages and tear them up.
I did, but the spark was lit and would soon become a wildfire — one that swept through my life and landed me here, though through a route so circuitous that even I could never have imagined it.
Still unfolding
I didn’t know it then, but that torn-up page was part of a journey that continues today. The spark I felt that day wasn’t new — it was simply the moment I finally paid attention.
That same current eventually carried me to Nashville and into a life that feels like my own.